"...I wish you luck, ferocity and a tenacious, stubborn drive to succeed." -Response to a comment I got on one of my favorite blogs.
This is what I want for me more than anything. Luck for my endeavors, whatever they may be, would be a welcome asset. But that's not what I really want for myself. Now, ferocity! What a talent. I can only hope that I will grow into this. Right now I'm not so sure I can claim myself as ferocious...
I know I have a drive to succeed. It's buried in there somewhere, behind the wall of clouds that is my depression, behind the worry and all the things I shouldn't have in my head. It's there, I can feel it. It rears it's passionate, tenacious (and yes, stubborn) head every time I have to hear about something I care deeply about. I want to help. I have to help. Even if it's with my tears and prayers, or sending good thoughts to the people affected. It kills me that that is all I can do. I can't make myself older or rich, but I wish I could. Because then, just maybe I could help someone.
I have to help people. I will readily (all too readily, actually) sacrifice my own happiness for that of others, even my enemies. I have to make people happy. I will readily do something that will cause me to cry every night for a week if it means that I will make one of my friends happy. I can't care about myself. I don't think I know how anymore. I have to give everything I have. But now there's nothing left and I don't know what to do with myself.
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About The Blogger
- R.Skye
- Alaska, United States
- I'm a dancer, a poet, a writer, an actress. I am one big creative impulse frequently being impaired by writer's block, as well as that strange nuance we call age.
found you from msbitch...as a former teenager and currently diagnosed with depression, I know you can't have an easy path. I hope you find the outlet you need through this blog. Best of luck
Anonymous said...
March 4, 2008 at 9:56 AM
Ferocity, to some degree, is trained. I find it to be equal parts conviction (I like to study things until I figure out what I think of them to the best of my ability, which tends to make me confident and feel able to act on my convictions), a certain amount of aggression (I'd be lying if I didn't say some of that is the way I'm wired) and a willingness to take risks (not stupid risks; not stuff like racing a train or anything) like expressing my opinions and asking for feedback. That is an extremely brave thing to do, and listening demonstrates tenacity, because if someone's opinion matters to you, they have the ability to really hurt your feelings and of you know that but you think it's worth it to ask, that is tenacious. Listening can sometimes be unpleasant.
I think, from what I'm reading, that you'll make it through adolescence and into adulthood with flying colors (and be a good person and an interesting one.) You seem concerned with doing the right thing and understanding yourself. I can't think of a better combination of drives to have and I hope, as I age, I will continue to have them.
I want to be a kick ass old lady when the time comes.
mouthybitch said...
March 4, 2008 at 4:35 PM
I am reading this article second time today, you have to be more careful with content leakers. If I will fount it again I will send you a link
Anonymous said...
July 5, 2010 at 8:03 PM